A few weeks ago my radio jock friend got me an audition as a voice talent for the new Tagalog radio station in Dubai. Since I was looking for ways to get additional income (stay at home mom equals empty wallet), I grabbed the opportunity not thinking that I didn’t have the experience for it. I thought to myself, “I can talk, I have a good speaking voice, I can wing it” just to shake off the jitters that come with every audition (I’ve only been to two… lol)…
So I went, read the script, got tongue tied, sounded mechanical and though the guy who I auditioned for (I don’t know how I’m suppose to phrase it- auditioned with? watched me audition?), didn’t tell me I didn’t get it, I already knew. DH was excited when I saw him because he knew I wanted to get the job, but I felt in my heart that I didn’t. I got a little depressed and kept quiet in the car and started to reassess my skills… at that moment, I felt like a failure.
So when we got home, I started to rethink about what I thought I could do. I always thought I was good enough to do something like that- be a voice talent. I mean, I could talk, I had a good speaking voice, but I guess I just wasn’t good enough. I started to think about the other things I knew I was good at and I thought I probably wasn’t really good at them either.
About a week ago, I sang at this concert in a hotel in Dubai to help raise funds for a cause. If you are familiar with the Gaither Homecoming series, the format of the concert was like that. The problem was the chairs at the back were not in an elevated platform. I only got to sang at the back and nobody could see me. I didn’t have a solo part so I didn’t get to stand up while everyone else was sitting. It didnt really bother me at first, but at the end when everyone who were given the chance to sing in groups were recognized for their efforts and we, who exerted the same amount of effort, weren’t, i got a little irked… I know its petty but I was at that low point where I wanted some sort of recognition for the things that I do… Once again, I reassessed my talents and thought I probably couldn’t sing as well as I thought I could.
I’m okay now. I joined that concert not for me but for the cause and not being recognized is not a big deal.
But I am slowly realizing that I probably won’t be able to do half of the stuff I have included in my bucket list…
I am probably not really meant to be a star.